Saturday, November 21, 2009

Horrible day, HUGE setback :(

I started having chest pains before heading to bed around 4am, I tossed and turned until 11am and got up and went to the ER. They hooked me up to the monitors and ran tests, while waiting for the tests to come back, I lost it. I was shaking and pinching myself to try and distract myself, I was having panic unlike anything I have had in years. I was sure something was wrong, that the blood clot test would show I had one in my lung or that my cardiac enzymes would show damage to my heart. I was sooooooo scared, 2 Klonopin never touched the anxiety. All the tests came back perfect. Yet I am terrified to go to sleep now. I am scared the pains will come back. I have failed and broken again :(   I am so sad, confused and feeling so alone.

2 comments:

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Elizabeth A. said...

All I can suggest is a hot, hot shower. Get it as hot as you can stand it and sit down and just focus on the water (make sure your water heater isn't set hot enough to scald.) until you feel your heart slow down (or you run out of hot water) and then blast the cold and curl up in a ball in bed. It helps my brain go numb to stop obsessing long enough to stop the worst part of the vicious cycle.