Friday, February 8, 2008
LOVING my new prescription!!!
Okay so it is a Benzo, bad reputation I know. But omg what a difference it has made in two days. I was prescribed Clonazepam yesterday on top of the Paxil and lorazepam that I already take and it made me feel better within one hour of taking it. It is longer lasting than lorazepam and seems to help so much more. So I have alittle bit more optimism back which is a great start!!!!
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
The start of another new day
So far not so bad. Besides the fact we have yet another Winter storm happening. Schools cancelled again. Freezing rain, tons of snow and a touch of cabin fever going on.
I didnt wake up to anxious. I of course took my temperature which was fine and my blood pressure, which was fine but not low enough to keep me happy.
Steve is off today but has gone out to do some errands so its me and the three kids as usual.
I have started thinking so negatively lately. I sit here and think that this is going to be my life day in and day out with no change for atleast 4 years until one of the babies is in school. Same ole cleaning, changing diapers, cooking etc etc. I love my kids and wouldnt change them at all but the idea that this is it is scary. I need to find hobbies or something or I will go mad. Thank goodness for the computer atleast!
I desperately need to get back on the treadmill. It has been a week plus and I know its affecting me. With Steve working I havent been able to get to the new gym I joined at all yet. Not to mention the fact I am alittle anxious about going there for the first time to begin with. But I will get there and get back on track, I have too! For me and my family.
I have also looked into finding an "on call" type of babysitter. Basically if Steve is at work and I am having a rough go of it, someone I can call to bring the kids too for awhile until I can calm down or whatever. I really think that would ease my mind ALOT. Anyhow, since its so early in the day I will come back and update later this evening!
I didnt wake up to anxious. I of course took my temperature which was fine and my blood pressure, which was fine but not low enough to keep me happy.
Steve is off today but has gone out to do some errands so its me and the three kids as usual.
I have started thinking so negatively lately. I sit here and think that this is going to be my life day in and day out with no change for atleast 4 years until one of the babies is in school. Same ole cleaning, changing diapers, cooking etc etc. I love my kids and wouldnt change them at all but the idea that this is it is scary. I need to find hobbies or something or I will go mad. Thank goodness for the computer atleast!
I desperately need to get back on the treadmill. It has been a week plus and I know its affecting me. With Steve working I havent been able to get to the new gym I joined at all yet. Not to mention the fact I am alittle anxious about going there for the first time to begin with. But I will get there and get back on track, I have too! For me and my family.
I have also looked into finding an "on call" type of babysitter. Basically if Steve is at work and I am having a rough go of it, someone I can call to bring the kids too for awhile until I can calm down or whatever. I really think that would ease my mind ALOT. Anyhow, since its so early in the day I will come back and update later this evening!
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Well still fighting with it
I made it through yesterday without having to call Steve home from work. It was a very long day and I had to take Ativan to make it through it.
Today I was alittle better and only needed half an ativan but have still been feeling really worked up. I have been taking my temperature constantly because it is up a tiny bit. And I mean a tiny bit(98.7-99) so .1 to .3 of a degree. But yet I am still worried and keep taking it over and over again. Same goes with the blood pressure. Forever taking it. When I see 120/75 I panic. I am only happy when it is below 110/70. Drives me crazy!!!!! The good thing is that I didnt increase my BP meds. I tend to do that if I see a slightly higher reading than normal and I know it is not good to self medicated like that.
I just wanna go back to where I was. Feeling better, more optimistic and not so horrible. I type this as I stick the thermoter back in my mouth for the 5th time in ten minutes. And of course it is 99 so now I am in a panic again! Why do I do this to myself?????? Why cant I just put it away and ignore it. This is such a painful part of my life. I cant even imagine what my 10 yr old must think when she sees me doing this. She must think her mom is nuts. I want to be healthy, feel healthy and stop thinking about it all the time!!!! I am missing out on so much because of this. My babies growing up, my enjoyment, time with my husband. For others out there that suffer I can imagine you know the feeling. I just hope tomorrow is a better day
Today I was alittle better and only needed half an ativan but have still been feeling really worked up. I have been taking my temperature constantly because it is up a tiny bit. And I mean a tiny bit(98.7-99) so .1 to .3 of a degree. But yet I am still worried and keep taking it over and over again. Same goes with the blood pressure. Forever taking it. When I see 120/75 I panic. I am only happy when it is below 110/70. Drives me crazy!!!!! The good thing is that I didnt increase my BP meds. I tend to do that if I see a slightly higher reading than normal and I know it is not good to self medicated like that.
I just wanna go back to where I was. Feeling better, more optimistic and not so horrible. I type this as I stick the thermoter back in my mouth for the 5th time in ten minutes. And of course it is 99 so now I am in a panic again! Why do I do this to myself?????? Why cant I just put it away and ignore it. This is such a painful part of my life. I cant even imagine what my 10 yr old must think when she sees me doing this. She must think her mom is nuts. I want to be healthy, feel healthy and stop thinking about it all the time!!!! I am missing out on so much because of this. My babies growing up, my enjoyment, time with my husband. For others out there that suffer I can imagine you know the feeling. I just hope tomorrow is a better day
Monday, February 4, 2008
NOT GOOD AT ALL!!!!
I had a horrible day yesterday. I was too overwhelmed and sad and the anxiety came back full force. I was staking my blood pressure every 2 minutes and of course it was up and taking my temperature and crying and shaking it was HORRIBLE!!!
Today I have been borderline, I have been taking ativan to get through the day because Steve is at work and I am alone all day. I am so upset that I am doing so bad. I HATE THIS!
Today I have been borderline, I have been taking ativan to get through the day because Steve is at work and I am alone all day. I am so upset that I am doing so bad. I HATE THIS!
Saturday, February 2, 2008
All moved in
Well the day started off rough. I woke up with a headache and full of anxiety. I am sure it is just because of so much going on.
It was a rough move. They messed up where we were suppose to pick up the truck and then it took well over an hour just to shovel the driveway at the new place so we could get the truck in.
Then my Step-father who was really the only one we had helping us move was not feeling well so he couldnt lift much so I did alot and of course hurt my back from it! That plus the shovelling and I am sore and tired! Then to top it off, Steve lost my bank card and I had no money on me it was all in the bank!!!
So needless to say I am ready to have a good night sleep. Although we also discovered the heater in our bedroom does not work so it will be a cold night sleep!!
I am scared and excited to begin another chapter and move on in our lives. I really want to keep things stable and try and do as well as I have been.
I actually timed the drive from the new house to the hospital tonight. It is only 3 minutes away and that was with two red lights!!! That eases my mind alot because we were 20 minutes or more away.
So that is one huge plus! No bring on Spring!
It was a rough move. They messed up where we were suppose to pick up the truck and then it took well over an hour just to shovel the driveway at the new place so we could get the truck in.
Then my Step-father who was really the only one we had helping us move was not feeling well so he couldnt lift much so I did alot and of course hurt my back from it! That plus the shovelling and I am sore and tired! Then to top it off, Steve lost my bank card and I had no money on me it was all in the bank!!!
So needless to say I am ready to have a good night sleep. Although we also discovered the heater in our bedroom does not work so it will be a cold night sleep!!
I am scared and excited to begin another chapter and move on in our lives. I really want to keep things stable and try and do as well as I have been.
I actually timed the drive from the new house to the hospital tonight. It is only 3 minutes away and that was with two red lights!!! That eases my mind alot because we were 20 minutes or more away.
So that is one huge plus! No bring on Spring!
Friday, February 1, 2008
Our last night before the big move
It is bittersweet really. 8 months living with my parents. Severe Post Partum depression, major anixety and panic attacks and some health problems and we are finally ready to move out and on.
The weather couldnt be more horrible here. Major snow and ice pellets so we have been stuck in doors all day. Which of course makes my anxiety level alittle higher. I went out and shovelled though and that seemed to keep some of the anxiety away.
Tomorrow we gather up the rest of our stuff and officially move in our new house. It will be strange at first because we have become so accustomed to living here. I am hoping that the kids all deal with the change okay because I am never really good with change.
Thankfully Steve is off all weekend and then starts days on Monday so I wont be alone in the night for a week or more.
I have had pain in my right side today which of course makes my health anxiety start up. I always think its my pancreas again or my liver. I am trying my hardest to ignore it and look at the fact that if I could go outside and shovel heavy snow then I must be ok.
Anyhow, we shouldnt be without the internet at all for the move so that is one major plus.
Wish us luck and a clear day for tomorrow!!!
The weather couldnt be more horrible here. Major snow and ice pellets so we have been stuck in doors all day. Which of course makes my anxiety level alittle higher. I went out and shovelled though and that seemed to keep some of the anxiety away.
Tomorrow we gather up the rest of our stuff and officially move in our new house. It will be strange at first because we have become so accustomed to living here. I am hoping that the kids all deal with the change okay because I am never really good with change.
Thankfully Steve is off all weekend and then starts days on Monday so I wont be alone in the night for a week or more.
I have had pain in my right side today which of course makes my health anxiety start up. I always think its my pancreas again or my liver. I am trying my hardest to ignore it and look at the fact that if I could go outside and shovel heavy snow then I must be ok.
Anyhow, we shouldnt be without the internet at all for the move so that is one major plus.
Wish us luck and a clear day for tomorrow!!!
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