Its beginning to feel alot like Christmas

Did some shopping last night, of course spent just alittle too much so we will be tight having enough money till next pay.
I have been feeling yuck for a few days, I caught Steve's cold and have had a sore throat, fever, nasty body aches. But hoping its on its way out. The night I caught it the body aches were so bad and I felt so awful it caused anxiety. It sucked. I hate any ounce of anxiety. The same night however I found out via Facebook that my Aunt has breast cancer :( So I have been thinking alot about family.
Remembering what family was when I was growing up and what it is now. My own family is a great unit. But when I think about my mom and sister and stepsister I just cant get over how seriously messed up things are.
None of us get along at all. My own blood sister is my worst enemy, she spends her time ensuring that everyone she knows gets the impression that I am the "crazy one" I have been lucky enough to be called that since my panic attacks became aware to here. I could understand if she was truly ignorant about such illnesses but she works with challenged individuals so you would think she would have enough understanding to know a panic disorder does not warrant one being "crazy". My stepsister stopped talking to me after we went to my moms for dinner(my family) and did not invite her. ??? Makes little sense to me. Then I have my mom who plays sides with all of us. I know I am truly not someone she wants around, she made it clear last Christmas when she told me I was not the child she deserved.
Do we dwell on such things or do we just move on with our own lives and family. Ensuring our children are never made to feel as awful as our outside family has made us feel. My family was my dad, he knew unconditional love for his children as he would have for his Grandchildren, he knew many many years ago that my sister was a jealous person capable of very mean things. He was right. He knew that I would never be accepted in my moms "New" family, he was right. The wisest most caring person in my life was taken from me, and I wonder why? What did I do to deserve it? What did he do? Things happen for a reason, then I want my reason for it. Dont I atleast deserve that much