Good and Bad day

I worked out hard for 45 minutes today and then went for a walk with the family. My anxiety has been up more than it has been today. I am unhappy with my blood pressure numbers and feel like the harder I try to keep them down by eating right, exercise etc the less it is helping. I know Steve is younger but when he gets such good BP #'s and eats a ton of salt and doesnt exercise etc it actually bothers me. Why do I have to fight so hard just to keep it barely below high. I hate it! I feel cheated somehow.
Steve starts 12's tomorrow so he will be gone for 14 hours a day now. That sucks big time. He wont even see the kids. That is part of my anxiety. I hated it when he was on 10's. This sucks so much more. But its life and I need to suck it up and deal with it. I am interested to hear what Dr.M has to say about me lowering my Paxil on Wednesday. I dont think he can say much when it was causing such serious side effects! Hmmm stay on a high dose and kill myself or go back down and figure something else out! No brainer there. I had phychiatrists. I really do. I spend an hour spilling my every fear and he says nothing. All he does is tell me to try not to take my blood pressure so much and gives me a script that nearly killed me. Gee thanks a ton! Glad I drove over an hour for that. I am so looking forward to Wednesday :( Maybe he will actually listen and realize that we are not getting anywhere. Who knows. One can hope right!!!!
Anyhow its late and I should be laying next to Steve since our time is going to be very limited together this week. Hopefully today is a brighter day.