Well still fighting with it

I made it through yesterday without having to call Steve home from work. It was a very long day and I had to take Ativan to make it through it.
Today I was alittle better and only needed half an ativan but have still been feeling really worked up. I have been taking my temperature constantly because it is up a tiny bit. And I mean a tiny bit(98.7-99) so .1 to .3 of a degree. But yet I am still worried and keep taking it over and over again. Same goes with the blood pressure. Forever taking it. When I see 120/75 I panic. I am only happy when it is below 110/70. Drives me crazy!!!!! The good thing is that I didnt increase my BP meds. I tend to do that if I see a slightly higher reading than normal and I know it is not good to self medicated like that.
I just wanna go back to where I was. Feeling better, more optimistic and not so horrible. I type this as I stick the thermoter back in my mouth for the 5th time in ten minutes. And of course it is 99 so now I am in a panic again! Why do I do this to myself?????? Why cant I just put it away and ignore it. This is such a painful part of my life. I cant even imagine what my 10 yr old must think when she sees me doing this. She must think her mom is nuts. I want to be healthy, feel healthy and stop thinking about it all the time!!!! I am missing out on so much because of this. My babies growing up, my enjoyment, time with my husband. For others out there that suffer I can imagine you know the feeling. I just hope tomorrow is a better day